George Carlin Quotes: 8 Lines To Make You Laugh & Smile From The Great Comedian

[{"selector":"#anim-b418a642-7d0f-43c4-a038-26f99c15743c","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(0px, 100%, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":300,"direction":"normal","duration":500,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.445, 0.05, 0.55, 0.95)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-c167c258-9a4b-4c8a-aee5-4372d1fcc500","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":300,"direction":"normal","duration":300,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.95, 0.05, 0.795, 0.035)","fill":"forwards"}] [{"selector":"#anim-9825e64f-3250-4c0b-bdd4-6b5bfa96217b","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(-100%, 0px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":0,"direction":"normal","duration":1000,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.445, 0.05, 0.55, 0.95)","fill":"both"}] “ GEORGE CARLIN QUOTES

[{"selector":"#anim-00a4e465-6947-4e25-b236-50c2f791c246","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(0px, 50px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":600,"direction":"normal","duration":800,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.23, 1, 0.32, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-a4dcd7fc-0356-4891-8bde-a8fce47366eb","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":550,"direction":"normal","duration":600,"easing":"linear","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-821d4935-1472-4d93-b294-3130de7a255c","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(0px, 50px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":600,"direction":"normal","duration":800,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.23, 1, 0.32, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-063a72d1-94ea-4cc5-be15-7790271d87f2","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":550,"direction":"normal","duration":600,"easing":"linear","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-4e91814c-fcd6-473c-98a4-c22de6a09b8c","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(-105.22788%, 0px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-b4e2a77e-b7df-4bdf-9970-355b135e4966","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-73767398-a103-4ee4-9efa-e8bb7e5bbf0c","keyframes":{"transform":["scale(0.15)","scale(1)"]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"forwards"}] and they will tell you George Carlin was and always will be legendary. Here are some of his most memorable jokes & quotes that have stuck with fans for years. ASK ANYONE IN THE FUNNY BUSINESS...

[{"selector":"#anim-1773fadb-1425-4498-ab61-b3492b89f8ed","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(0px, 100%, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":300,"direction":"normal","duration":500,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.445, 0.05, 0.55, 0.95)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-eae19e0f-1af8-467f-9a4d-a976858ae286","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":300,"direction":"normal","duration":300,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.95, 0.05, 0.795, 0.035)","fill":"forwards"}] [{"selector":"#anim-a645c84f-76f5-48a6-8a0f-1324dae7cfcb","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(0px, 50px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":600,"direction":"normal","duration":800,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.23, 1, 0.32, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-fef9b62e-c7e6-410b-8c9b-3efcbed4c27c","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":550,"direction":"normal","duration":600,"easing":"linear","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-af0ee60a-aa00-4d17-8ad2-574495d67ea7","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(-107.64076%, 0px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-d0b8ff48-0057-4f55-a76f-2bb55f6ed293","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-ffbf2343-4b3a-49d2-a13c-f3ccefb1623b","keyframes":{"transform":["scale(0.15)","scale(1)"]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"forwards"}] “ Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

[{"selector":"#anim-042d4ee1-5b09-4f62-89b1-e80e6704aee4","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(0px, 100%, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":300,"direction":"normal","duration":500,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.445, 0.05, 0.55, 0.95)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-c6eb9794-0723-41d3-9dcf-6065c7bf0ab9","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":300,"direction":"normal","duration":300,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.95, 0.05, 0.795, 0.035)","fill":"forwards"}] [{"selector":"#anim-1af921f0-eac9-44c1-bced-81fac285610b","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(0px, 50px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":600,"direction":"normal","duration":800,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.23, 1, 0.32, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-28b2a82c-9fa0-48cd-856d-31211960db08","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":550,"direction":"normal","duration":600,"easing":"linear","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-06f03dee-f061-425a-8912-e95dfa54ac3c","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(-107.36302%, 0px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-6ebc9739-fb09-4fc6-a48d-c8327d5dad1b","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-b6f0fd4b-2963-4ff9-9b5f-9266b17d0b9f","keyframes":{"transform":["scale(0.15)","scale(1)"]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"forwards"}] “ Don’t just teach your children to read; teach them to question everything that they read. Teach them to question everything.

[{"selector":"#anim-b895a616-ac93-434e-a6c5-403b617cd2b8","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(0px, 100%, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":300,"direction":"normal","duration":500,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.445, 0.05, 0.55, 0.95)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-525c5084-c002-441d-ae2f-777a55e34dac","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":300,"direction":"normal","duration":300,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.95, 0.05, 0.795, 0.035)","fill":"forwards"}] [{"selector":"#anim-1d0fa1cb-5205-4642-bb32-1a94ad45c0a4","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(0px, 50px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":600,"direction":"normal","duration":800,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.23, 1, 0.32, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-0dee6179-1a31-40cd-88de-f1eedda15fe8","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":550,"direction":"normal","duration":600,"easing":"linear","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-14ef08d3-2d4b-4bf8-b3b0-b817659d120a","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(-104.95978%, 0px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-aecf9fb3-fc60-4a34-b8a9-61a61d3028b0","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-36941356-cf7c-4779-ba48-51f421d1008e","keyframes":{"transform":["scale(0.15)","scale(1)"]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"forwards"}] “ Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

[{"selector":"#anim-fc66ac99-8f31-4364-8a83-a80f0c4e2e90","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(0px, 100%, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":300,"direction":"normal","duration":500,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.445, 0.05, 0.55, 0.95)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-c5f9f455-33f2-4476-85d1-2dcc9ec4d6bb","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":300,"direction":"normal","duration":300,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.95, 0.05, 0.795, 0.035)","fill":"forwards"}] [{"selector":"#anim-7b3d32f0-20ac-4cdd-9b18-af1953a3827d","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(0px, 50px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":600,"direction":"normal","duration":800,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.23, 1, 0.32, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-e1cfbcda-0aac-45af-88ee-9ba0f059a8b7","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":550,"direction":"normal","duration":600,"easing":"linear","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-bcc924fe-68b3-4748-848a-cb7c38ea04e8","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(-107.37266%, 0px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-fe540880-f289-47c0-9e9a-ff9271b16068","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-8d00009a-6848-41c2-832f-11f09e5d5351","keyframes":{"transform":["scale(0.15)","scale(1)"]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"forwards"}] “ Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

[{"selector":"#anim-1e7f93c1-a263-4ce5-8780-fe50c5583af0","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(0px, 100%, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":300,"direction":"normal","duration":500,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.445, 0.05, 0.55, 0.95)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-15d5e90e-8bf7-46b3-86cf-bfe68ce9fbf6","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":300,"direction":"normal","duration":300,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.95, 0.05, 0.795, 0.035)","fill":"forwards"}] [{"selector":"#anim-f4e05cdb-e001-499f-97a7-9364c56e2ebf","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(0px, 50px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":600,"direction":"normal","duration":800,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.23, 1, 0.32, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-5519ff67-4c4e-41ea-96c5-17ba76812ebc","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":550,"direction":"normal","duration":600,"easing":"linear","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-8a15173c-dcc2-40fd-804c-178447ca0563","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(-114.96478%, 0px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-fad3ad10-f1ba-403c-a070-b6e14b249bc8","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-1daf3f85-82b4-4d82-b75d-444aed2f3800","keyframes":{"transform":["scale(0.15)","scale(1)"]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"forwards"}] “ People say life begins at conception. I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.

[{"selector":"#anim-4419a8f8-cd8a-4c8e-9409-8b3e1ab7096e","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(0px, 100%, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":300,"direction":"normal","duration":500,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.445, 0.05, 0.55, 0.95)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-956cb5b9-ae08-437b-9052-175bddff7f89","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":300,"direction":"normal","duration":300,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.95, 0.05, 0.795, 0.035)","fill":"forwards"}] [{"selector":"#anim-b5fec82d-ea67-4f90-89c6-a49a546ab92e","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(0px, 50px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":600,"direction":"normal","duration":800,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.23, 1, 0.32, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-2faf1ad3-496b-4cd2-8a71-6ee3f0112533","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":550,"direction":"normal","duration":600,"easing":"linear","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-d6753f4f-383b-46b4-beb3-6acf0a5787b0","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(-114.96478%, 0px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-48f90643-61d0-4a6c-a763-ee853c3da7ba","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-faaf2fd6-6bf8-4505-aa12-407946ceb446","keyframes":{"transform":["scale(0.15)","scale(1)"]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"forwards"}] “ People say life begins at conception. I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.

[{"selector":"#anim-59f789e1-4d25-49b7-a5bb-c38954ef3036","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(0px, 100%, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":300,"direction":"normal","duration":500,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.445, 0.05, 0.55, 0.95)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-0af472bd-3c84-4155-b5bb-2db58959e229","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":300,"direction":"normal","duration":300,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.95, 0.05, 0.795, 0.035)","fill":"forwards"}] [{"selector":"#anim-d622ead6-bfd6-4cc5-a389-1addae95c14a","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(0px, 50px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":600,"direction":"normal","duration":800,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.23, 1, 0.32, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-bff56001-d0f1-4cca-bcec-1d32971e4fea","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":550,"direction":"normal","duration":600,"easing":"linear","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-74c0e0c5-b779-422e-8b26-aa2b02f4fdd0","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(-108.84245%, 0px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-d80df2e1-3201-423b-9a56-bc75fdb34f85","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-051b3f98-4a66-4b47-920b-a539d475be23","keyframes":{"transform":["scale(0.15)","scale(1)"]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"forwards"}] “ Obedience and respect should not be automatic; they should be earned.

[{"selector":"#anim-8f99cb00-cdaf-41ef-a04f-d1da0c9aef9e","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(0px, 100%, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":300,"direction":"normal","duration":500,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.445, 0.05, 0.55, 0.95)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-4aaef26a-5412-4db5-ab98-34bbe1682d39","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":300,"direction":"normal","duration":300,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.95, 0.05, 0.795, 0.035)","fill":"forwards"}] [{"selector":"#anim-c21553b9-3944-409f-bd8b-6d3b3dce25e1","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(0px, 50px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":600,"direction":"normal","duration":800,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.23, 1, 0.32, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-fcb8f761-98a4-41eb-aaee-fd1614c4aed2","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":550,"direction":"normal","duration":600,"easing":"linear","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-898f9f5c-5ebc-4da2-8809-29a0e5a8e92c","keyframes":{"transform":["translate3d(-110.63434%, 0px, 0)","translate3d(0px, 0px, 0)"]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-bbcbf488-876c-44de-bc7f-cf30e6f921a5","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] [{"selector":"#anim-669e0554-b230-4e92-8bbf-8fd1afd7ca97","keyframes":{"transform":["scale(0.15)","scale(1)"]},"delay":0,"duration":600,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"forwards"}] “ Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

VIEW HERE Learn More About George’s Family! Images courtesy of The Everett Collection.