Gwyneth Paltrow‘s teenage daughter didn’t hold back while making fun of her mother’s very involved morning wellness routine. Apple Martin, 16, savagely roasted her mother in a hilarious TikTok, providing expert commentary over a video Gwyneth previously posted about her GOOP regimen. She titled the video, “A morning with my mom Gwyneth Paltrow”.
i’ll never love anyone like i love gwyneth paltrow pic.twitter.com/9nOlNCjFap
— Jack (@franc3y) April 5, 2021
Apple jumps right into it: “So first my mom drinks her Goopglow Superpowder and she eats nothing except for dates and almond butter. So she will have that,” the teenager deadpans. “I suppose the Goopglow is a part of her cleanse, which she’s been on since the day I was born, apparently.”
As for Gwyneth’s extensive skincare routine? “It’s 8:00am and she’s been doing this since 7:00am,” Apple sighs. “She just prances around the bathroom putting on her millions of Goopglow products for her glowing skin.” She twists the knife a final time by launching into a list of Gwyneth’s collection of vagina-themed GOOP products.
“Then she gets to work making some more vagina eggs and candles, also vagina candles, and vagina perfumes, and just everything vagina,” Apple jokes. “And yeah, that’s my mom’s morning routine.” Apple said vagina so many times that TikTok actually censored and hid the video. Luckily, you can see the clip in its entirety above.
Gwyneth just went in-depth with her morning skincare routine for Vogue, which involves nearly $900 worth of products. Some of her favorite go-tos for glowing skin? Vintner’s Daughter Active Botanical Serum ($185), Jillian Dempsey’s Gold Sculpting Bar ($195), and Goopglow Microderm Instant Glow Exfoliator ($125).
She gave Apple a little shoutout in the video, calling her 16-year-old the true beauty guru of the family. “She has these amazing, long nails that are painted in such cool ways,” Gwyneth gushed. “She’s got her lashes. I mean, she knows how to contour — that girl is just on fire with her routine. I don’t know where she got it from. She definitely did not get it from me.”