This is truly heartbreaking. During an interview with People magazine, the 30-year-old mother-of-two opened about her dark days, revealing for the first time just how serious her situation was. “Things haven’t been super easy for me,” Emily, author of the new book, I Said Yes, told People. “As great as things are now, it’s been a struggle for me. My life definitely isn’t perfect. Is anybody’s?”
Though she admits to having a “happy childhood,” growing up in West Virginia, Emily spent most of her teen years away at boarding school in Florida, where she says, she first experienced feelings of depression. “That was really hard for me,” she says. “I didn’t feel like I fit in.” Over time, Emily became increasingly unhappy and experienced feelings of worthlessness, which ultimately led to her being hospitalized twice within a six month period — once after she threatened to commit suicide, and once after she overdosed on prescription pain pills.
“It really was a cry for help,” she explained. “I never really wanted to end things. I just wanted attention. It makes me sad to think about. I was so focused on the part of my heart that was empty that I couldn’t see beyond where I was.”
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Things appeared to take a turn for the better though when Emily began dating former NASCAR driver Ricky Hendrick, whom she had met when she was 16 and he was 21. The couple eventually moved to Charlotte, North Carolina after Emily’s graduation, however, their happiness was short lived as within months Ricky was tragically killed in a plane crash. As if that weren’t heartbreaking enough, Emily learned just days later that she was pregnant with their daughter.
“The first couple of years were so hard,” says Emily of life as a single mom to Ricki Hendrick, who is now 10. “I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I was lost. I went to therapists, but I knew nothing they would tell me was going to make me feel better. Mine was an issue of the heart that I needed to work out myself. And I knew that time would do that.”
It was then that Emily joined The Bachelor, where she admits she instantly fell for Brad Womack, whom she became engaged to in 2011 before splitting just months later. Ready to give love another shot, Emily then famously joined The Bachelorette, where on the season finale, she became engaged to Jef Holm. Sadly, things between the two didn’t work out, and they ended their engagement just a few months later.
“I wanted that love so bad,” said Emily of her attempts to make her made-on-TV relationships last. “I felt like there was something wrong with me if I couldn’t make it work. But I look back now and see that the times I felt the lowest, God was still there for me, planning something better than I ever could have imagined.”
Her something better of course, was her old friend and now husband, Tyler Johnson. The two reconnected after The Bachelorette and eventually tied the knot in June 2014, giving Emily the happy ending she always wanted. “Tyler is my very best friend,” she told People. “When he proposed, I was sobbing!” It was then and after the birth of her son Jennings in July 2015 that she says she finally found the happiness that she always felt was missing from her life.
Nowadays, Emily feels as if she really does have it all, and it’s all thanks to her beautiful and loving family. “It’s silly, but going to a restaurant and saying, ‘Family of four’ is so exciting to me,” she explains. “Forever I thought it was going to be just me and Ricki. To see Ricki playing with Jennings and seeing her feel so loved is really cool for me. My life is exactly what I wanted so many years ago.”
We’re so happy to see that Emily is doing well and happier than ever. Tell us HollywoodLifers, are you shocked to hear about Emily’s suicide confession? Share your thoughts in the comments below!